Am I being “age-ist”? Maybe. But maybe not. The world is a pretty complicated place right now and I’m thinking that it’s not such a great time to elect our oldest President ever. So sue me.
Mildred Loving is younger than John McCain.
Born in 1939, Mildred Loving (who, along with her husband, won a landmark case in defense of their interracial marriage that paved the way to the elimination of laws against mixed marriage across the country) died this week at the age of 68.
On a related subject, John McCain takes the half-assed position that the issue of gay marraige should be left to individual states.
Jack Nicholson is younger than John McCain.
Alright, he was pretty good in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” - and “The Shining” and “Easy Rider” were both fantastic - but I gotta say that I really can’t stand Jack Nicholson (and his grotesque man-boobs aren’t helping matters much).
Here’s a newsflash for you, Jack:
You’re not cool anymore.
Young Hollywood hotties don’t want to go out with someone old enough to be their great-grandfather.
We all know that you like the Lakers - we just don’t care.
And PS: take your sunglasses off. You’re indoors now.
The zip code is younger than John McCain.
There are two things I find funny about the fact that John McCain is older than the zip code system:
1. John McCain’s first address was something like:
The Parents of Potentially the Oldest Guy Ever to Become President
123 Main Street
East Nowhere, VA 12
Two digits. The country was so damn small that there were only two digits in the postal code.
2. It was a postal inspector who submitted a proposal for an updated system in 1944.
When I go to the Post Office, I’m lucky if I can find someone who isn’t breathing through a tube - but, apparently, in 1944, postal workers were so motivated by what they were doing that they put in overtime developing new systems for delivering mail. (It should be noted, however, that this system wasn’t implemented until the 1960s and, even then, it wasn’t mandatory… thus restoring my faith in their ineptitude.)
N.B.: People are going to post and say that East Nowhere, VA couldn’t possibly be his first address because he was born in Panama. I know - it’s just not as funny. You get the idea.
(Thanks to Brian for the tip!)
Duct tape is younger than John McCain.
I was happy to see on Wikipedia - the internet’s #1 source of partially-correct information - that duct tape is also known as “duck tape”… which is what I always thought it was called (or, at least, should be called).
Duct tape, duck tape, tomato, tomahto… it seems to me that this household staple has been around forever - and it has. It’s just that John McCain has been around forever-er.
(Thanks to Andy for the tip!)
You are younger than John McCain.
According to Census Department estimates for July 1st, 2007, there are 301,621,157 people currently living in the United States - and 274,485,639 (or 91%) of them are younger than 70.
Now, again, does this mean that John McCain would automatically be a bad President because he’s older than roughly 91% of the country? Of course not. But does it make a case that he might not be so connected to the issues of a staggeringly overwhelming part of the country? I think that it does.
It’s a funny thing… this whole notion of “connecting” to voters. I hear people say all the time that they feel “connected” to George Bush - that he’s “like them” and that he’s the kind of guy you could sit down with and have a beer. Now, maybe Bruce Springsteen can pull off the whole “everyman” schtick, but I never really bought it when it came to GW (perhaps this is because I didn’t go to Yale, I don’t have a boatload of oil money, and my father wasn’t President - so the analogy starts to fall apart a little for me)… and I think it’s a little weird that the same emphasis on connection doesn’t seem to apply when we’re talking about a candidate that’s older than 91% of the country.
By comparison, roughly 68% of the population is the same age or younger than Barack Obama and roughly 83% of the population is the same age or younger than Hillary Clinton. What does that mean? I don’t know - what does it mean to you?
I’m working on a video that I’ll post here and on YouTube… hopefully by Friday.
If anyone out there knows the secret to having it get noticed amid all the videos of kids knocking down Christmas trees and dogs barking “Bohemian Rhapsody”, I’m all ears. You can leave a comment here or use the email link.
As always, thanks for listening.
The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous are younger than John McCain.
In 1938, Bill W. (no genetic relationship to George W.) was chosen by about 100 of his fellow alcoholics to publish a book that promoted their program and included a list of suggested activities (or “steps”) for spiritual growth and deliverance from the grip that alcohol held on their lives.
(Thanks to Jesse for the tip!)
The first TV commercial is younger than John McCain.
Sadly, the first network TV commercial (which aired in 1941) wasn’t for Ron Popeil’s breakthrough spray-on hair (which doesn’t work nearly as well as they claim.. trust me) but it was instead from the Bulova Watch Company. They paid $9.00 to what is now WNBC in New York for a twenty-second spot that appeared before a (Brooklyn) Dodgers game.
(Thanks to Soren for the tip!)
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is younger than John McCain.
I put Kraft Macaroni and Cheese right up there with the wheel and the iphone as one of the world’s great inventions. Created by divine inspiration in 1937, it’s the perfect meal when you have a cold or when you’re too lazy to make, you know, real food. The key, however, lies in my own secret technique… which I will share with you here and now:
The Double Drain™.
You see, the directions call for the chef to drain the water after the macaroni has come to a boil… but that’s insane. Between the milk, the butter, and the excess water that didn’t drain, you’ll still be left with a runny mess that will deprive you of the full “cheese” experience. One must do a second, “cleansing” drain just prior to emptying the contents onto ones plate. And one must also use a wooden spoon.
For the less industrious among us, there’s a product called “Kraft Easy Mac” which can be prepared with just water and a microwave in 3 1/2 minutes… but that’s just sad.
Finally, to borrow from a comment that Joe G. wrote about the corndog (which was one of the five most impassioned odes to the corndog I’ve ever read), “Elect a President that was born before the invention of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Not on my watch, pal.”
(Thanks to Jane and Peter for the tip!)
Seems like service is a little spotty today. I’m working on moving to a fancier (i.e., pricier and hopefully more reliable) server but, in the meantime, please be sure to check back if at first you don’t succeed. Thanks!
Penicillin is younger than John McCain.
In 1942, when John McCain was presumably an unvaccinated 6 year old, John Bumstead and Orvan Hess became the first physicians in the world to successfully treat a patient using Penicillin. At the time, they could not possibly comprehend what this breakthrough would mean for children, soldiers, and Paris Hilton.
(Thanks Fididdly, Beth, Jennifer, David, Andy, Robert, Electioneer, and “d” for the tip!)
The Minimum Wage is younger the John McCain.
This one’s a little ambiguous - as there was various bits of legislation setting a minimum wage prior to 1936 but they were all overturned (I guess 25¢ an hour for back-breaking work in a factory was crazy-talk back then)… but it was re-established in 1938 by the Fair Labor Standards Act. And this time it stuck.
Since then, the Federal minimum wage has skyrocketed to $5.85 - which means that, according to our government, someone who earns a pre-tax paycheck of $234.00 for a 40 hour week is doing just fine.
(Thanks to Caitlin, Chad, Luke, Rebecca, and others for the tip!)
The Lincoln Tunnel is younger than John McCain.
The Lincoln Tunnel first started bringing depression-era girls with big hair into NYC in 1937.
(Thanks Chipsin and Jay for the tip!)
(By the way, I used to work with a girl that referred to the prostitutes that worked outside the entrance to the tunnel as “tunnel bunnies”. I always thought that was a cute way to refer to women who likely weren’t often thought about as being “cute”. Or, for that matter, “women”.)
War of the Worlds is younger than John McCain.
Broadcast around Halloween in 1938, the radio adaptation of the H.G. Wells classic was seen as actual news and led some to believe that a Martian invasion was in progress. According to Wikipedia (so you know it’s true!), some people fled their homes while others simply pee’d their pants (OK, I made up the last part).
Tell me Fox couldn’t pull this off today…
(Thanks Cheyney, Perryn, Andy, Lee, Letitia, Chipsin, Jay, and Luke for the tip!)
49 of our 50 Governors are younger than John McCain.
Way to buck the trend, Ruth Ann Minner of Delaware!
(Thanks, Jack!)
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