Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

Ranch Dressing is younger than John McCain.

So apparently Ranch Dressing wasn’t invented on the grounds of the legal brothel in the Vegas desert but rather on a dude ranch (I love that expression - “dude” ranch) owned by Steve and Gayle Henson.

Who knew?

(David knew - thanks for the tip!)

I seem to be getting a lot of first time visitors to the site lately… and a lot of them hit the wall around page 3. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for people to find the older stuff by putting together a very unscientific list of the top posts (based on page views, number of comments, ones that I think really help make my case, and ones that I just thought were funny)… and here they are:

Assorted Diatribes
Ageism
A day in the life of a middle-class Republican

Books
The Grapes of Wrath

Codes
The Zip Code

Discoveries
Oil in the desert
Penicillin

Foods
The York Peppermint Pattie
The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Cheerios

Images
A McCain campaign banner ad I wish we’d see
McCain goes after the youth vote
“Caption this photo” contest

Organizations
Mensa

People
Cindy McCain
Larry Flynt
Keith Richards
Ronald Reagan
My Mother
91% of America

Products
The Slinky
Scrabble
Duct Tape

Videos
McCain loses it on birth control issue
McCain says that his age is an issue

Frozen Waffles are younger than John McCain.

I came across the above image when doing a search for “frozen waffles” (which were first introduced in grocery stores in 1953) and, even though the ad shown isn’t for waffles - and “Aunt Jemima” is sadly older than John McCain - I’m posting it because I think it’s inspiring that the same country that can produce something as offensive (by modern day standards) as this is actually a hare’s breath away from electing an African-American president.

Anyway, where was I? Oh right, waffles. Waffling. Changing one’s position.

Take it away, YouTube…. (By the way, did you know that it’s Barack Obama’s fault that gas is $4.50 a gallon? Neither did I.)

Now…

and then…

We have got to keep holding this guy’s feet to the fire. Spread the word. And pass the syrup.

Getting a pizza delivered is younger than John McCain.

Thank god for WWII. Had it not been for the war, many thousands of young men and women would never have gotten the chance to visit Italy. They never would’ve encountered pizza. They never would’ve opened “pizzerias” on their return to the States. There would never have been “delivery boys”. And scores of bad porn movies in the 1980s would’ve gone plotless.

For what it’s worth, the war also spawned the United Nations and NATO, got the U.S. out of the Depression, brought about incredible advances in technology, and established the U.S. and Russia as the world’s two superpowers… setting up decades of rivalry, tension and competition.

The York Peppermint Pattie is younger than John McCain.

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the cool sensation of the renewed optimism and excitement that can only come from being delivered from an eight-year long nightmare of lies, corruption, stupidity, narrow-mindedness, and an ever-lowering of the proverbial bar while, at the same time, having my faith in our country’s ability to find its way back onto the right path restored.

(Thanks to Samantha and “Princess TamTam” for the tip!)

The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich is younger than John McCain.

Is today my birthday? It must be because not only did I get an email from Adam with a link to an article on the history of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich that stated that “food historians” see nothing written about this glorious meal pre-1940 (Good god, is there anything that hasn’t been published online?) but I also got a chance to use one of my all-time favorite Family Guy clips.

Life is really good. And John McCain is really old.

The Margarita is younger than John McCain.

Matt G. from the UK just wrote in with this great suggestion off of my earlier treatise on the Nacho - thanks Matt!

The origin of the Margarita is a subject of heated debate (well, at least among the five or six people who lay claim to its invention) but my favorite has to be that it was created by Enrique Bastate Gutierrez in the early 1940’s as an homage to Rita Hayworth, whose real name was Margarita Cansino (”Cansino” being Spanish for “drink until you can’t feel anything from the waist down”).

The Nacho is younger than John McCain.

For the first seven years of his life, John McCain lived in a cold, dark, lonely, nacho-less world. (I think I read that on the Internet - so it must be true.) He described this period as “the worst time of his life” - although he might have been referring to that whole Vietnam thing… where, coincidentally, he also was deprived of Nachos).

John McCain takes a hard stand against illegal immigration - calling for tougher border security and more careful screening at points of entry into the United States. Thank goodness he was just a mere lad at the time of my hero Ignacio “Nacho” Anaya’s brave and noble journey to the United States.

(Incidentally, for my peso, the above restaurant serves the best Mexican food in New York.)

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is younger than John McCain.

I put Kraft Macaroni and Cheese right up there with the wheel and the iphone as one of the world’s great inventions. Created by divine inspiration in 1937, it’s the perfect meal when you have a cold or when you’re too lazy to make, you know, real food. The key, however, lies in my own secret technique… which I will share with you here and now:
The Double Drain™.
You see, the directions call for the chef to drain the water after the macaroni has come to a boil… but that’s insane. Between the milk, the butter, and the excess water that didn’t drain, you’ll still be left with a runny mess that will deprive you of the full “cheese” experience. One must do a second, “cleansing” drain just prior to emptying the contents onto ones plate. And one must also use a wooden spoon.
For the less industrious among us, there’s a product called “Kraft Easy Mac” which can be prepared with just water and a microwave in 3 1/2 minutes… but that’s just sad.
Finally, to borrow from a comment that Joe G. wrote about the corndog (which was one of the five most impassioned odes to the corndog I’ve ever read), “Elect a President that was born before the invention of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Not on my watch, pal.”
(Thanks to Jane and Peter for the tip!)

Baskin Robbins is younger than John McCain.

In a way, I wish John McCain was slightly older than Baskin Robbins… so then I could write something about “there being only one flavor” when he was a kid. Or reference the scene in Blazing Saddles that showed Samuel Johnson’s ice cream store. But, alas, John McCain beat out Baskin Robbins by a good 10 years.
(Thanks, Grace!)

The TV Dinner is younger than John McCain.

Here we go again - another staple of my diet that is actually younger than John McCain.
First it was Chocolate Chip Cookies, then the Cobb Salad and Cheerios, and now the beloved TV Dinner.
What next?
Nachos? (Uh-oh… 1943)
Famous Amos Cookies (Crap… 1936)
Krispy Kreme Donuts (This is getting ridiculous… 1937)
Kraft Mac & Cheese, Good & Plenty, and Nescafe coffee (Wow… 1937)

Jesus, is there any food this guy ISN’T older than?

Cheerios are younger than John McCain.

I have 18 month old twins at home and, as any parent will tell you, these little, round treasures of toasted whole grain goodness might as well be called “Crack-ios” or “Crystal Meth-ios”. There’s nothing my kids like more than to take a fistfull of these suckers and get (maybe) one or two right in their mouths.
I look forward to telling them, come this November, that our country had the good sense to elect a President younger than this ubiquitous brand.
And I imagine that they’ll poop in celebration.
(Thanks to Alan, Jake, David, Shannon, and Chris for the tip!)

The Cobb Salad is younger than John McCain.

Contrary to what the guy in the wheelchair on that episode of ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm” said, the Cobb Salad was in fact first created by in 1937 by Brown Derby owner Bob Cobb… a point which Larry made abundantly clear.
I like my Presidents older than my food.
(Thanks to Blind Camel!)

The Chocolate Chip Cookie is younger than John McCain.

OK, this is an odd one. Apparently, the chocolate chip cookie has not been around since the dawn of time. It did not evolve from anything, nor was it hanging down from the forbidden tree (or whatever it’s called) in the Garden of Eden. It was, in fact, invented in 1937 by Ruth Graves Wakefield of Whitman, Massachusetts, who ran the Toll House Restaurant.
So this classic staple and friend of milk lovers everywhere is actually younger than John McCain.
(Thanks to Sean J. for the tip!)

Spam is younger than John McCain.

The lunch meat, as opposed to the Internet nuisance promising greater manhood and hot encounters with stay-at-home moms (which, for the record, this blogger has yet to see bear fruit), might likely become a diet of many should this old geezer become President.
(Thanks, David!)