Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

Am I being “age-ist”? Maybe. But maybe not. The world is a pretty complicated place right now and I’m thinking that it’s not such a great time to elect our oldest President ever. So sue me.

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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Tang.

Tang is younger than John McCain.

William A. Mitchell had a very full life. As a food chemist working for General Foods, he was the key inventor behind Pop Rocks (younger), quick-set Jell-O (way older - but more exciting), Cool Whip (younger), powdered egg whites (grosser), and - of course - Tang.

Is there not one among us that doesn’t owe Mitchell a debt of gratitude? Is that not the most poorly constructed sentence you’ve read today? (Sue me. I, much like Lindsey Graham, am tired.)

(Thanks to Kristin for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 9:14 am  

Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Flamingo Hotel in Vegas.

The Flamingo Hotel in Vegas is younger than John McCain.

While the “El Rancho Vegas” and the “Pair-O-Dice” were the first gambling resorts on or around the Strip, it wasn’t until the development of The Flamingo that the mob came in and things got good. (And they would stay good until 1996, when an otherwise great movie would have every schmoe and his brother running around saying “Vegas, baby, Vegas”.)

In related gambling news, McCain and Team Have Many Ties to Gambling Industry

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 10:13 am  

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pop-Tarts.

Pop-Tarts are younger than John McCain.

I love Wikipedia just as much as the next guy who craves little bits of flawed yet easy-to-digest information, but I just have to draw the line somewhere. I absolutely refuse to believe that “its name came from one of the hottest things at the time: Pop Art which Andy Warhol made a household name with his giant soup cans and Brillo boxes”.

That aside, the great and noble Pop-Tart is just about as close to perfection as one can hope for in this life of ours.

(Thanks to Rachel for the tip - oh, and that image up there? It’s nothing less than the world’s largest Pop-Tart… measuring 25′ x 35′ and weighing an impressive 1,250 pounds.)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 9:26 pm  

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The top 25 posts.


I seem to be getting a lot of first time visitors to the site lately… and a lot of them hit the wall around page 3. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for people to find the older stuff by putting together a very unscientific list of the top posts (based on page views, number of comments, ones that I think really help make my case, and ones that I just thought were funny)… and here they are:

Assorted Diatribes
Ageism
A day in the life of a middle-class Republican

Books
The Grapes of Wrath

Codes
The Zip Code

Discoveries
Oil in the desert
Penicillin

Foods
The York Peppermint Pattie
The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Cheerios

Images
A McCain campaign banner ad I wish we’d see
McCain goes after the youth vote
“Caption this photo” contest

Organizations
Mensa

People
Cindy McCain
Larry Flynt
Keith Richards
Ronald Reagan
My Mother
91% of America

Products
The Slinky
Scrabble
Duct Tape

Videos
McCain loses it on birth control issue
McCain says that his age is an issue

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 7:44 am  

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Flexible Drinking Straw.

The Flexible Drinking Straw is younger than John McCain.

I’m not sure what I love more - the original sketch shown above (clearly drawn from a place of frustration with the limited beverage induction methods of the day) or the detailed description of the thought process behind the invention that was posted on the website of the National Museum of American History.

“While sitting in his younger brother Albert’s fountain parlor, the Varsity Sweet Shop in San Francisco, Friedman observed his young daughter Judith at the counter, struggling to drink out of a straight straw. He took a paper straight straw, inserted a screw and using dental floss, he wrapped the paper into the screw threads, creating corrugations. After removing the screw, the altered paper straw would bend conveniently over the edge of the glass, allowing small children to better reach their beverages.”

Two additional comments:

1. I am now convinced that there is absolutely nothing that is not on the Internet.
2. John McCain is really freaking old.

(Thanks to Troy for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 8:42 pm  

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Getting a pizza delivered.

Getting a pizza delivered is younger than John McCain.

Thank god for WWII. Had it not been for the war, many thousands of young men and women would never have gotten the chance to visit Italy. They never would’ve encountered pizza. They never would’ve opened “pizzerias” on their return to the States. There would never have been “delivery boys”. And scores of bad porn movies in the 1980s would’ve gone plotless.

For what it’s worth, the war also spawned the United Nations and NATO, got the U.S. out of the Depression, brought about incredible advances in technology, and established the U.S. and Russia as the world’s two superpowers… setting up decades of rivalry, tension and competition.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 12:35 pm  

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The York Peppermint Pattie.

The York Peppermint Pattie is younger than John McCain.

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the cool sensation of the renewed optimism and excitement that can only come from being delivered from an eight-year long nightmare of lies, corruption, stupidity, narrow-mindedness, and an ever-lowering of the proverbial bar while, at the same time, having my faith in our country’s ability to find its way back onto the right path restored.

(Thanks to Samantha and “Princess TamTam” for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 8:18 am  

Sunday, July 6, 2008

“On the Road”.

On the Road is younger than John McCain.

I wonder what John McCain, who was around 21 when On The Road was published and who was already indoctrinated or on his way to being indoctrinated into the very structured military way-of-life, thought about this classic work… one that was filled with sex, fueled by drugs, and so much about journeying for the sake of journeying (I think there’s a line in there somewhere about there being “no place to go but everywhere”) and experiencing humanity for the sake of experiencing humanity.

I wonder if he’s ever read it. I wonder if he can relate to people who swear by it.

Not that anyone asked, but here’s my favorite passage from the book (and it’s probably also my favorite from any book):

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes ‘Awww!’”.

And finally, I also love the forward that he wrote for this classic.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 4:25 pm  

Monday, June 9, 2008

The LP Record.

The LP Record is younger than John McCain.

I don’t know if this is true or not but, according to trivia-library.com, the inventor of the LP (an employee of Columbia Records who came up with the LP in 1948 as a way to overcome the interruptions to music made necessary by the constant need to turn over, then change, 78 rpm records) received no royalties for his invention. Instead, he received free copies of every LP produced by Columbia.

As an aside, this could potentially become a whole new offshoot of the site - wildly popular inventions that came and went during McCain’s lifetime… suggestions anyone?

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 6:50 am  

Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Margarita.

The Margarita is younger than John McCain.

Matt G. from the UK just wrote in with this great suggestion off of my earlier treatise on the Nacho - thanks Matt!

The origin of the Margarita is a subject of heated debate (well, at least among the five or six people who lay claim to its invention) but my favorite has to be that it was created by Enrique Bastate Gutierrez in the early 1940’s as an homage to Rita Hayworth, whose real name was Margarita Cansino (”Cansino” being Spanish for “drink until you can’t feel anything from the waist down”).

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 7:59 am  

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Duct Tape.

Duct tape is younger than John McCain.

I was happy to see on Wikipedia - the internet’s #1 source of partially-correct information - that duct tape is also known as “duck tape”… which is what I always thought it was called (or, at least, should be called).
Duct tape, duck tape, tomato, tomahto… it seems to me that this household staple has been around forever - and it has. It’s just that John McCain has been around forever-er.
(Thanks to Andy for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 8:48 pm  

Monday, May 19, 2008

The first TV commercial.

The first TV commercial is younger than John McCain.

Sadly, the first network TV commercial (which aired in 1941) wasn’t for Ron Popeil’s breakthrough spray-on hair (which doesn’t work nearly as well as they claim.. trust me) but it was instead from the Bulova Watch Company. They paid $9.00 to what is now WNBC in New York for a twenty-second spot that appeared before a (Brooklyn) Dodgers game.
(Thanks to Soren for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 2:55 pm  

Monday, May 19, 2008

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese is younger than John McCain.

I put Kraft Macaroni and Cheese right up there with the wheel and the iphone as one of the world’s great inventions. Created by divine inspiration in 1937, it’s the perfect meal when you have a cold or when you’re too lazy to make, you know, real food. The key, however, lies in my own secret technique… which I will share with you here and now:
The Double Drain™.
You see, the directions call for the chef to drain the water after the macaroni has come to a boil… but that’s insane. Between the milk, the butter, and the excess water that didn’t drain, you’ll still be left with a runny mess that will deprive you of the full “cheese” experience. One must do a second, “cleansing” drain just prior to emptying the contents onto ones plate. And one must also use a wooden spoon.
For the less industrious among us, there’s a product called “Kraft Easy Mac” which can be prepared with just water and a microwave in 3 1/2 minutes… but that’s just sad.
Finally, to borrow from a comment that Joe G. wrote about the corndog (which was one of the five most impassioned odes to the corndog I’ve ever read), “Elect a President that was born before the invention of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese? Not on my watch, pal.”
(Thanks to Jane and Peter for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

posted by admin at 8:14 am  

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