Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

The thong is younger than John McCain.

“Aubrey” wrote in to say that she Freudingly starts typing “thongsyoungerthan…” every time she comes to the site… which prompted her to discover that the thong is, in fact, younger than the guy with seven houses.

Seems that the then Mayor of NYC Fiorello LaGuardia (what a coincidence - we also have an airport named LaGuardia!) wanted the nude dancers to dress more appropriately. No word as to what he did about the guys who were using squeegees to clean the eyes of horses. (It’s a Giuliani thing - NY’ers will get it.)

PS: To save people the trouble of asking, the image above is of a guy who calls himself “Sisqo” - and he’s the rapper who gets the award for “writing” the single. dumbest. song. ever.

The pull-tab on cans is younger than John McCain.

The ad above looks to the near future - to a time when getting the “real gusto” of Schlitz would be much, much easier…. thanks to the softer top that allows the opener to cut through the metal like a warm knife through butter.

Imagine the excitement that would follow years later when Mikolaj Kondakow of Thunder Bay, Ontario would invent the pull-tab.. eliminating the need for the separate opener altogether.

No, really. Just try to imagine. And think of the gusto possibilities.

(Thanks to Tami for the tip!)

The parallelogram derailleur is younger than John McCain.

I love the sheer randomness of this one. Besides from it being such an obscure reference, the fact that - prior to this invention - cyclists needed to change their wheels depending on whether they were going uphill or downhill really shows how different the world was when John McCain was a wee lad.

(Thanks to Megan - who I imagine is an avid cyclist… as I used to be before I got lazy!)

The “medical” practice of branding babies is younger than John McCain.

According to the December 1938 issue of Popular Science, “a new hand-type ultraviolet-ray lamp makes it easier for nurses in a Brooklyn, N.Y., hospital to brand the initials of a new-born baby on his skin to prevent identification mix-ups in the hospital nursery. Soft ultra-violet rays pass through stenciled initials placed within the easily handled unit to tan the letters on the infant as well as on the mother. Harmless, the identification brand is said to remain visible for a period of two weeks.”

Ho. Lee. Shit.

(ModernMechanix)

I seem to be getting a lot of first time visitors to the site lately… and a lot of them hit the wall around page 3. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for people to find the older stuff by putting together a very unscientific list of the top posts (based on page views, number of comments, ones that I think really help make my case, and ones that I just thought were funny)… and here they are:

Assorted Diatribes
Ageism
A day in the life of a middle-class Republican

Books
The Grapes of Wrath

Codes
The Zip Code

Discoveries
Oil in the desert
Penicillin

Foods
The York Peppermint Pattie
The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Cheerios

Images
A McCain campaign banner ad I wish we’d see
McCain goes after the youth vote
“Caption this photo” contest

Organizations
Mensa

People
Cindy McCain
Larry Flynt
Keith Richards
Ronald Reagan
My Mother
91% of America

Products
The Slinky
Scrabble
Duct Tape

Videos
McCain loses it on birth control issue
McCain says that his age is an issue

The Flexible Drinking Straw is younger than John McCain.

I’m not sure what I love more - the original sketch shown above (clearly drawn from a place of frustration with the limited beverage induction methods of the day) or the detailed description of the thought process behind the invention that was posted on the website of the National Museum of American History.

“While sitting in his younger brother Albert’s fountain parlor, the Varsity Sweet Shop in San Francisco, Friedman observed his young daughter Judith at the counter, struggling to drink out of a straight straw. He took a paper straight straw, inserted a screw and using dental floss, he wrapped the paper into the screw threads, creating corrugations. After removing the screw, the altered paper straw would bend conveniently over the edge of the glass, allowing small children to better reach their beverages.”

Two additional comments:

1. I am now convinced that there is absolutely nothing that is not on the Internet.
2. John McCain is really freaking old.

(Thanks to Troy for the tip!)

The Microwave Oven is younger than John McCain.

John McCain might know this invention better by what it was called when he was a kid - “The Magic Cooking Box that you can’t look at directly or else you’ll go blind”.

(Thanks to Aqquila for the tip!)

The Pill is younger than John McCain.

According to WebMD, the Searle drug company received FDA approval for Enovid - the first birth control pill - in 1960…. about 24 years after McCain was born and about a year before Obama was born.

People often squirm when they learn that they realize that they forgot to use birth control. Want to see someone squirm even more? Watch McCain’s reaction when confronted about the fact that insurance companies cover Viagra but he voted against requiring them to cover birth control.

I particularly like the parts where he says “I certainly don’t want to discuss this issue” and “I, I, I don’t know what I….” - not to mention the pregnant pause (pun intended) when asked for his opinion on the subject.

The computer is younger than John McCain.

This was probably the single most popular suggestion I’ve received since I started the blog. I never used it because the computer is a seemingly modern invention and there was nothing terribly shocking to me about it being younger than McCain. (Although, to be fair, I did learn that it’s not nearly as recent an invention as I had assumed.)

What IS shocking is that we’re on the verge of electing a President that not only freely admits he doesn’t know how to use one but who almost relishes in his luddite-ness. (Remind you of anyone?)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my President to actually be using a computer. I’d like to think that he has more important things to do than check email and look at Vietnamese porn. I would, however, like him to have a passing familiarity with the technology that affects the lives of, I don’t know, everyone!

I’m sorry - call me ageist if you must but if this isn’t proof-positive that he’s out of touch, I don’t know what is.

The six-pack is younger than John McCain.

Oddly, it took until sometime in the early-40’s for someone to come up with the brilliant idea of packaging drinks (”Dad’s Root Beer”, to be precise) six at a time. (The concern about the whole fish-killing thing, although widely overblown, didn’t kick in until the 1970’s.)

So, in other words, what we’re saying here is that John McCain is older than what amounts to little more than a system of counting. Fantastic.

(Thanks to Jimmy for the tip!)

Satellite Photography is younger than John McCain.

The first satellite photographs of Earth were made on August 14th, 1959. Had it not been for this landmark discovery, John McCain’s statement on June 17th of this year that offshore drilling is “safe enough these days that not even Hurricanes Katrina and Rita could cause significant spillage” would’ve been accepted as fact by people other than George Will, The Wall Street Journal, and Fox News.

The reality is that the spillage was so significant that it was visible from space and its environmental damage was on par with that of the Exxon Valdez accident.

Oops.

(Thanks to Preston for the tip!)

Polyester is younger than John McCain.

According to “whatispolyester.com” (yes, somebody actually bothered to register that domain name and build a whole website explaining the history and extolling the virtues of polyester… and people say that *I* have too much time on my hands!), scientists Whinfield and Dickson patented Polyethylene Terephthalate in 1941.

Or maybe it was scientists Polyethylene and Terephthalate who patented Whinfield and Dickson - I don’t know… I’m still dumbstruck by the existence of my new favorite website.

(Thanks to John W. who says “I’m a Republican and I find your site hilarious”. So we got one - only a hundred million or so to go.)

The LP Record is younger than John McCain.

I don’t know if this is true or not but, according to trivia-library.com, the inventor of the LP (an employee of Columbia Records who came up with the LP in 1948 as a way to overcome the interruptions to music made necessary by the constant need to turn over, then change, 78 rpm records) received no royalties for his invention. Instead, he received free copies of every LP produced by Columbia.

As an aside, this could potentially become a whole new offshoot of the site - wildly popular inventions that came and went during McCain’s lifetime… suggestions anyone?

The Lubricated Condom is younger than John McCain.

While there are drawings of condoms and of condoms in use that date back some 3,000 years, the oldest condoms ever found were from 1640 (gross). They were made of animal intestines and are believed to have been used to prevent the transmission of STD’s.

Wow - talk about a mood killer:

“Pardon me, dearest Gwendyllen - whilst I would very much fancy having carnal relations with thou, I must first endeavour to kill and disembowel yon wild boar. Just stay in that position and I shall return in a fortnight.”

HOT, HOT AND HOT!

Fast forward about 300 years (and a number of years after John McCain was born) and the world was treated to a major advance in condom technology: lubrication.

Automatic transmission is younger than John McCain.

Introduced for the 1940 model year, The “Hydra-matic” was the first fully automatic transmission developed for passenger cars.

I love how - in the old, old, old days - they were able to dress everything up and make it sound futuristic by adding “amatic” to the name. I also love the ever-so-subtle sexism in the above ad… because, clearly, only the women-folk driving their husbands’ cars to and from the market are the ones who would benefit from this new technology.

Aaahh - good times. Good, old, freakishly-antiquated times.

(Thanks to Michael and Bob for the tip!)