Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

Bill Cosby is younger than John McCain.

And, oddly, not as funny. (See? I said something relatively nice about McCain! Maybe I’m not so bad after all… or maybe it’s that I think Bill Cosby is the least funny guy to have ever walked the planet. Hmmm… what a mystery.)

Eldon Smith is exactly the same age as John McCain.

Coincidence? Hardly. They’re the same guy.

(Thanks to Jeff for the tip!)

Elvis Presley is younger than John McCain.

Yes, I said “is” younger than John McCain. But that doesn’t mean I think Elvis is still alive. (Andy Kaufman… well, that’s another story.)

Update: I seem to have had a McCainMoment™… Elvis isn’t/wasn’t younger. Terribly sorry.

Billie Jean King is younger than John McCain.

She’s like Jackie Robinson. Only she’s a woman. And she’s white. And gay. And a tennis player. Otherwise, put them in a room together and you’d be hard-pressed to tell the difference.

George Takei is younger than John McCain.

Blah, blah, blah, Star Trek, blah, blah, blah, Kirk wore a hairpiece, blah, Rocket Man, blah, blah, black chick, blah, blah, something, something, and prosper - OK, here’s the real point of this post:

Anyone who thinks there ought to be a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage is batshit insane.

I just got finished watching the two-hour panderfest at that megachurch (btw - “megachurch”? wtf?) in California and the crowd was clearly in favor of anything that might stop my next door neighbor and his boyfriend from getting married.

Don’t let the right fool you, “my friends” (to quote John McOld) - this issue isn’t about the “definition” of marriage or some wacky notion of a slippery slope leading all the way down to people marrying Dobermans. It’s about tolerance, it’s about the separation of church and state, and it’s about making a decision about whether we want legislation that says - in the 21st century - that some Americans are less equal than others.

Jackson Browne is younger than John McCain.

My friend Rob and I saw Jackson Browne at Madison Square Garden back in the 80’s and it was - hands down - the dullest concert either of us had ever seen. It was shortly after the “No Nukes” concerts and Bruce Springsteen was known to make guest appearances at Jackson Browne concerts (to, I assume, wake the crowd) so we went. From about the third song on, we were yelling “BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCE” just about as loud as we could… much to the dismay of the aging, patchouli-soaked stoners sitting all around us. Needless to say, Bruce was a no-show and - although I can’t say for sure - I’m guessing that we headed back downtown to watch Robin Byrd on Channel J. (NB: Robin Byrd only looks older than John McCain. Sadly, she’s younger - by a lot - and insists on still taking her clothes off.)

Speaking of Jackson Browne, it seems that he’s suing the McCain campaign for unlicensed use of the song “Running On Empty”. In addition to not having permission to use the song, Browne - a staunch liberal activist - believes that the song misrepresents his political beliefs and creates the false impression that he’s endorsing McCain.

He also calls bullshit on McCain for using a song that says “In ‘65, I was 17″ when we all know that he was like 40.

Charo is younger than John McCain.

Charo is proof positive that a mildly impressive body can only take one so far in this life. I mean, with the possible exception of the creepy Gene Rayburn, was there any more annoying personality in the 70’s than Charo?

Tim Pawlenty, Charlie Crist, Mitt Romney, John Thune, Carly Fiorina, and Fred Smith are younger than John McCain.

Not terribly surprising - I mean, with the exception of Ron Paul, there aren’t that many potential running mates who are older than John McCain.

That said, if you’re interested, here’s a little light reading about these candidates. (The site actually references all seven of the frontrunners. I left off Eric Cantor because I wanted to make a nice, neat rectangle.)

I seem to be getting a lot of first time visitors to the site lately… and a lot of them hit the wall around page 3. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for people to find the older stuff by putting together a very unscientific list of the top posts (based on page views, number of comments, ones that I think really help make my case, and ones that I just thought were funny)… and here they are:

Assorted Diatribes
Ageism
A day in the life of a middle-class Republican

Books
The Grapes of Wrath

Codes
The Zip Code

Discoveries
Oil in the desert
Penicillin

Foods
The York Peppermint Pattie
The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Cheerios

Images
A McCain campaign banner ad I wish we’d see
McCain goes after the youth vote
“Caption this photo” contest

Organizations
Mensa

People
Cindy McCain
Larry Flynt
Keith Richards
Ronald Reagan
My Mother
91% of America

Products
The Slinky
Scrabble
Duct Tape

Videos
McCain loses it on birth control issue
McCain says that his age is an issue

Cleavon Little is (was) younger than John McCain.

Blazing Saddles was, hands-down, the funniest movie ever made. I’ve seen it more times than John McCain can count and, while it’s nearly impossible to pick a favorite line, the following one is right up there:

Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We’re not sure. Are we… black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we’re awake… but very puzzled.

(I wonder if there’s anyone else out there who’s similarly puzzled…)

I’m also partial to when Taggart and his men discover a tollbooth (in the middle of nowhere!) and he announces that “Someone has to go back and get a shitload of dimes.”

Funny, funny stuff.

Ben Stein is younger than John McCain.

Speechwriter for Nixon and Ford. Conservative economist. Lawyer. Actor. Game show host. Convincing spokesman for eye drops. Is there anything Ben Stein can’t do?

Well, for John McCain’s sake, it would be great if he could also wear the hat of Campaign Manager… as he was recently quoted as saying that McCain “is running the absolute most pathetic campaign I have ever seen in my whole life. His campaign is just heartbreakingly pathetic. He is a very impressive guy. He is a brave guy, but he is running the most lackluster campaign I have ever seen in my entire life. I would have thought Bob Dole’s campaign would have set a record for poor campaigns, but this one is even worse. I mean it is shocking.”

Wow.

UPDATE: Maybe McCain doesn’t really want to win and this whole “bad campaign” thing is part of a master plan to not inherit Bush’s record-breaking Federal deficit of $490 Billion.

Bobby Jindal is younger than John McCain.

Rumor has it that old man McCain will be naming his running mate this week and much of the smart money is on Bobby Jindal, the 37 year old first-term governor of Louisiana… which pretty blows McCain’s arguments about Obama and his youthful inexperience right out the window.

I’ve yet to do an exhaustive search on Mr. Jindal but here are three interesting things I’ve turned up so far:

1. His real first name is Piyush. While that makes absolutely no difference to me, I’m wondering if all the whackjobs on the right (yes, I’m talking to you Ann Coulter - you freaking lunatic) are going to be as eager to refer to him by his given first name as they are to refer to Barack Obama by his middle name.

2. He chose the name “Bobby” after watching episodes of “The Brady Bunch”. OK, maybe that was cute then… but you’re a grown-ass man now.

3. He recently signed into law a bill that authorizes the castration of convicted sex offenders - despite the fact that it’s unconstitutional.

More to come…

UPDATE: Just read on cnn.com that Jindal told Fox “News” that “I’m not going to be the vice presidential nominee or vice president.”

Who’s next?

Rocky Aoki is (was) younger than John McCain.

The world of sub-par Japanese food lost its hero this weekend, as the founder of the Benihana restaurant chain died from complications of cancer. (I wonder if John McCain knows that he wasn’t Vietnamese.)

Bill O’Reilly is younger than John McCain.

My criteria for choosing the people, products, landmarks, organizations, etc. that I feature on the site has to do mainly with whether or not I think it’s surprising that Old Man McCain is actually older than the example (which is why, by the way, I haven’t posted about “the iphone” or “The Simpsons” despite the fact that one reader has emailed me these ideas about 56 times).

Obviously there’s nothing terribly surprising about the fact that Bill O’Reilly - famed liar, accused sexual harasser, failed novelist, famed “Inside Edition” flipper-outer, and liar - is younger than McCain. But I’m posting it tonight because it meets another one of my criteria… it allows me to segue into a topic that I think is worthy of discussion.

Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, and the rest of the wingnuts of the Conservative media are using heinous smears and scare tactics to inject racism, prejudice, and fear into our political dialogue. And we need to tell them stop.

Forward a link to the video. Sign this petition. And use the little icons or the “Share This” link at the bottom of this post to help create an uproar.

Daniel Ortega is younger than John McCain.

But McCain can kick his ass.

Interestingly, the Senator who reported this story is also younger than John McCain… but he believes he’s too old to be President.