Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

The parallelogram derailleur is younger than John McCain.

I love the sheer randomness of this one. Besides from it being such an obscure reference, the fact that - prior to this invention - cyclists needed to change their wheels depending on whether they were going uphill or downhill really shows how different the world was when John McCain was a wee lad.

(Thanks to Megan - who I imagine is an avid cyclist… as I used to be before I got lazy!)

The “flip-flop” is younger than John McCain.

According to Mr. Wiki and Mr. Pedia (what?), these annoying “shoes” (surpassed only by “Crocs” in their sheer awfulness) were inspired by a post-war Japanese sandal… cleverly titled “jandals”.

Legend has it that the modern design was invented in New Zealand by one Morris Yock in the 50’s and patented in 1957. However, the children of John Cowie, an England-raised businessman who started a plastics manufacturing business in Hong Kong after the war, vehemently (!) deny Mr. Yock’s claim. It was, they say, their father - not the evil Yock - who manufactured a plastic version of the sandals in the late 1940s and that Mr. Yock was merely a New Zealand importer.

I’m so bored by this pseudo-controversy that I can barely keep my eyes open.

Anyway, you know what else is really annoying? The way that Republicans accuse a Democrat of “flip-flopping” (which I guess is supposed to be the more mature way of saying “Liar, liar, pants on fire”… although it sounds equally childish and it doesn’t have the cute rhyming thing going for it) when he or she gains new insight into an issue but they have no qualms themselves about being almost pathologically inconsistent.

Here’s, i don’t know, like 72 examples of what I’m talking about. (Hey, that’s almost one for every year of McCain’s age. How fortuitous.)

Two more comments…

I actually have no major issue with “flip-flopping”. To paraphrase Steven Colbert from the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, I don’t think that one should automatically view things the same way on Wednesday as they did on Monday… regardless of what happened on Tuesday. I do, however, call bullshit when one party tries to own the phrase.

I used a picture of the pinball game “Flip Flop” because scanning through pages and pages of images of flip-flops on Google Images made me want to vomit.

(Thanks to Jay for the tip!)

I seem to be getting a lot of first time visitors to the site lately… and a lot of them hit the wall around page 3. So I thought I’d make it a little easier for people to find the older stuff by putting together a very unscientific list of the top posts (based on page views, number of comments, ones that I think really help make my case, and ones that I just thought were funny)… and here they are:

Assorted Diatribes
Ageism
A day in the life of a middle-class Republican

Books
The Grapes of Wrath

Codes
The Zip Code

Discoveries
Oil in the desert
Penicillin

Foods
The York Peppermint Pattie
The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich
Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
Cheerios

Images
A McCain campaign banner ad I wish we’d see
McCain goes after the youth vote
“Caption this photo” contest

Organizations
Mensa

People
Cindy McCain
Larry Flynt
Keith Richards
Ronald Reagan
My Mother
91% of America

Products
The Slinky
Scrabble
Duct Tape

Videos
McCain loses it on birth control issue
McCain says that his age is an issue

The Microwave Oven is younger than John McCain.

John McCain might know this invention better by what it was called when he was a kid - “The Magic Cooking Box that you can’t look at directly or else you’ll go blind”.

(Thanks to Aqquila for the tip!)

The Pill is younger than John McCain.

According to WebMD, the Searle drug company received FDA approval for Enovid - the first birth control pill - in 1960…. about 24 years after McCain was born and about a year before Obama was born.

People often squirm when they learn that they realize that they forgot to use birth control. Want to see someone squirm even more? Watch McCain’s reaction when confronted about the fact that insurance companies cover Viagra but he voted against requiring them to cover birth control.

I particularly like the parts where he says “I certainly don’t want to discuss this issue” and “I, I, I don’t know what I….” - not to mention the pregnant pause (pun intended) when asked for his opinion on the subject.

The computer is younger than John McCain.

This was probably the single most popular suggestion I’ve received since I started the blog. I never used it because the computer is a seemingly modern invention and there was nothing terribly shocking to me about it being younger than McCain. (Although, to be fair, I did learn that it’s not nearly as recent an invention as I had assumed.)

What IS shocking is that we’re on the verge of electing a President that not only freely admits he doesn’t know how to use one but who almost relishes in his luddite-ness. (Remind you of anyone?)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t want my President to actually be using a computer. I’d like to think that he has more important things to do than check email and look at Vietnamese porn. I would, however, like him to have a passing familiarity with the technology that affects the lives of, I don’t know, everyone!

I’m sorry - call me ageist if you must but if this isn’t proof-positive that he’s out of touch, I don’t know what is.

The York Peppermint Pattie is younger than John McCain.

When I bite into a York Peppermint Pattie, I get the cool sensation of the renewed optimism and excitement that can only come from being delivered from an eight-year long nightmare of lies, corruption, stupidity, narrow-mindedness, and an ever-lowering of the proverbial bar while, at the same time, having my faith in our country’s ability to find its way back onto the right path restored.

(Thanks to Samantha and “Princess TamTam” for the tip!)

The Copy Machine is younger than John McCain.

OK, so technically I think these guys are beating the crap out of a printer… but it could have just as easily been a copier because they get jammed all the time also - so just go with it.

Anyway, the copier is one of many inventions that was born after John McCain yet is well on its way to obsolescence. I for one have not had a copy machine in my office in years and I can’t really say that I’ve even noticed.

The American Express Card is younger than John McCain.

When the American Express card was introduced, the annual fee was $6.00. It was made of paper and the Cardmember’s name was typewritten.

This card (as opposed to the subsequent Optima and Blue cards) was - and continues to be - a “charge” card as opposed to a “credit” card… one distinction being that balances are due in full at the end of each billing period. “Credit” cards, on the other hand, require that only a nominal amount get paid at the end of each billing period. The cardholder then gets charged an atypically high interest rate for the privilege of carrying a balance.

On a related subject, Senate financial disclosure statements released this past Friday show John and Cindy McCain have at least $225,000.00 in credit card debt - the bulk of which stems from a pair of American Express cards in Cindy’s name.

By contrast, Barack and Michelle Obama put a comparable amount into college funds for their daughters.

(Thanks to Jennifer Y. for the tip!)

The LP Record is younger than John McCain.

I don’t know if this is true or not but, according to trivia-library.com, the inventor of the LP (an employee of Columbia Records who came up with the LP in 1948 as a way to overcome the interruptions to music made necessary by the constant need to turn over, then change, 78 rpm records) received no royalties for his invention. Instead, he received free copies of every LP produced by Columbia.

As an aside, this could potentially become a whole new offshoot of the site - wildly popular inventions that came and went during McCain’s lifetime… suggestions anyone?

The Lubricated Condom is younger than John McCain.

While there are drawings of condoms and of condoms in use that date back some 3,000 years, the oldest condoms ever found were from 1640 (gross). They were made of animal intestines and are believed to have been used to prevent the transmission of STD’s.

Wow - talk about a mood killer:

“Pardon me, dearest Gwendyllen - whilst I would very much fancy having carnal relations with thou, I must first endeavour to kill and disembowel yon wild boar. Just stay in that position and I shall return in a fortnight.”

HOT, HOT AND HOT!

Fast forward about 300 years (and a number of years after John McCain was born) and the world was treated to a major advance in condom technology: lubrication.

The Magic 8 Ball is younger than John McCain.

Is John McCain too old to be President?
You may rely on it.

Duct tape is younger than John McCain.

I was happy to see on Wikipedia - the internet’s #1 source of partially-correct information - that duct tape is also known as “duck tape”… which is what I always thought it was called (or, at least, should be called).
Duct tape, duck tape, tomato, tomahto… it seems to me that this household staple has been around forever - and it has. It’s just that John McCain has been around forever-er.
(Thanks to Andy for the tip!)

Nylon is younger than John McCain.

I don’t know why but Nylon was probably the single most popular suggestion that I received since this site went live on Monday (and I received a ton - so thanks to all who sent them in. Keep ‘em coming!).
Nylon was first used commercially in a nylon-bristled toothbrush in 1938 - which makes me wonder what Ma and Pa McCain were using until then to brush little Johnny’s first teeth. It then grew in popularity as something that soldiers could give their wives to keep them off the trail of their girlfriends (and vice versa).
One final bit of nylon trivia? The first three letters of the word are completely arbitrary.

The Slinky is younger than John McCain.

“What walks down stairs, alone or in pairs, And makes a slinkity sound?
A spring, a spring, a marvelous thing, Everyone knows it’s Slinky…
It’s Slinky, it’s Slinky, for fun it’s a wonderful toy.
It’s Slinky, it’s Slinky, it’s fun for a girl and a boy.”
Before the Slinky, kids played with rocks and sticks. And before that, John McCain was born.
(Thanks to Ellen L. and others for the tip!)