Things younger than Republican Presidential candidate (oh, and did I forget to mention war hero?) John McCain

Don Imus is younger than John McCain.

My issue with Don Imus isn’t that, in an attempt to be a poor man’s Howard Stern, he made some racial comments - no, my issue with him has always been that he’s just not funny.

And that he looks like a ghost.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

The guy across from me at Panera Bread is younger than John McCain.

As I sit here, using (at best) four fingers to pound away on the keyboard of my Macbook Pro, I’m noticing that a man who looks to be in his late sixties just walked in…. carrying, no joke, his own cushion for the seat! God only knows what’s going on in his body that creates the need for him to bring a seat cushion from home to Panera Bread but, if there was ever a sign of age, this sure is one of them.

I don’t know - this might launch another barrage of emails calling me “ageist”, but I for one don’t want my President bringing his ‘roid pillow to peace negotiations at Camp David.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

By law, many Federal employees are younger than John McCain.

According to the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, Title 29 of U.S.C. Section 633a states that agencies are (permitted) “to establish a maximum age requirement only in instances where they have proven to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that age is a bona fide occupational qualification necessary for the performance of the duties of a particular position.”

Um, OK - I can think of such a position.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

The Magic 8 Ball is younger than John McCain.

Is John McCain too old to be President?
You may rely on it.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

I heard the blog was mentioned last night and I would love to see a clip… anyone?

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

I just received an email from one Jude Kamara of Sierra Leone. It seems that her whole family was killed in “the war” and, for some reason, that now entitles ME to receive the sum of $3,500,000.00. This, coupled with the lottery I won a few times last week, means that I see all of you on the other side of easy street.

How do I stop this crap???

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are younger than John McCain.

In 1937, a time when it was apparently OK to refer to little people as “dwarves” (when we all know they much prefer to called… oh, never mind!), this classic film became the first full length animated feature produced by Walt Disney.

Here, thanks to Wikipedia, are some dwarf names that didn’t make the cut:

Awful, Bald, Biggo-Ego, Biggy-Wiggy, Burpy, Busy, Chesty, Cranky, Daffy, Dippy, Dirty, Dizzy, Doleful, Flabby, Gloomy, Graceful, Helpful, Hoppy, Hotsy, Hungrey, Jaunty, Lazy, Neurtsy, Nifty, Puffy, Sappy, Sneezy-Wheezy, Sniffy, Scrappy, Silly, Soulful, Strutty, Stuffy, Sleazy, Tearful, Thrifty, Tipsy, Titsy, Tubby, Weepy, Wistful, and Woeful.

Too bad McCain hasn’t picked a running mate yet - otherwise, we could start banging out the “Sleepy/Sleazy in ‘08″ bumper stickers right away!
(Thanks to Robin, florida, Christina, Mark, Samuel, Claudia, Jane, and Reverend F. for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Let Us Now Praise Famous Men is younger than John McCain.

This classic work by writer James Agee and photographer Walker Evans started as a New Deal program designed to put focus on the poorest segments of the American population - to produce, as Agee says in the preface, “a photographic and verbal record of the daily living and environment of an average white family of tenant farmers.”

I think the fact that he described the subjects as “an average white family” is part of what gives the quote context… and it shows what the country was like way back then. An equally interesting point to ponder is the question of who’s writing this book today? Who are today’s tenant farmers?
And what kind of person is going to put more focus on their plight?

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Mildred Loving is younger than John McCain.

Born in 1939, Mildred Loving (who, along with her husband, won a landmark case in defense of their interracial marriage that paved the way to the elimination of laws against mixed marriage across the country) died this week at the age of 68.

On a related subject, John McCain takes the half-assed position that the issue of gay marraige should be left to individual states.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Jack Nicholson is younger than John McCain.

Alright, he was pretty good in “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” - and “The Shining” and “Easy Rider” were both fantastic - but I gotta say that I really can’t stand Jack Nicholson (and his grotesque man-boobs aren’t helping matters much).
Here’s a newsflash for you, Jack:
You’re not cool anymore.
Young Hollywood hotties don’t want to go out with someone old enough to be their great-grandfather.
We all know that you like the Lakers - we just don’t care.
And PS: take your sunglasses off. You’re indoors now.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

The zip code is younger than John McCain.

There are two things I find funny about the fact that John McCain is older than the zip code system:

1. John McCain’s first address was something like:

The Parents of Potentially the Oldest Guy Ever to Become President
123 Main Street
East Nowhere, VA 12

Two digits. The country was so damn small that there were only two digits in the postal code.

2. It was a postal inspector who submitted a proposal for an updated system in 1944.

When I go to the Post Office, I’m lucky if I can find someone who isn’t breathing through a tube - but, apparently, in 1944, postal workers were so motivated by what they were doing that they put in overtime developing new systems for delivering mail. (It should be noted, however, that this system wasn’t implemented until the 1960s and, even then, it wasn’t mandatory… thus restoring my faith in their ineptitude.)

N.B.: People are going to post and say that East Nowhere, VA couldn’t possibly be his first address because he was born in Panama. I know - it’s just not as funny. You get the idea.
(Thanks to Brian for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

Duct tape is younger than John McCain.

I was happy to see on Wikipedia - the internet’s #1 source of partially-correct information - that duct tape is also known as “duck tape”… which is what I always thought it was called (or, at least, should be called).
Duct tape, duck tape, tomato, tomahto… it seems to me that this household staple has been around forever - and it has. It’s just that John McCain has been around forever-er.
(Thanks to Andy for the tip!)

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

You are younger than John McCain.

According to Census Department estimates for July 1st, 2007, there are 301,621,157 people currently living in the United States - and 274,485,639 (or 91%) of them are younger than 70.

Now, again, does this mean that John McCain would automatically be a bad President because he’s older than roughly 91% of the country? Of course not. But does it make a case that he might not be so connected to the issues of a staggeringly overwhelming part of the country? I think that it does.

It’s a funny thing… this whole notion of “connecting” to voters. I hear people say all the time that they feel “connected” to George Bush - that he’s “like them” and that he’s the kind of guy you could sit down with and have a beer. Now, maybe Bruce Springsteen can pull off the whole “everyman” schtick, but I never really bought it when it came to GW (perhaps this is because I didn’t go to Yale, I don’t have a boatload of oil money, and my father wasn’t President - so the analogy starts to fall apart a little for me)… and I think it’s a little weird that the same emphasis on connection doesn’t seem to apply when we’re talking about a candidate that’s older than 91% of the country.

By comparison, roughly 68% of the population is the same age or younger than Barack Obama and roughly 83% of the population is the same age or younger than Hillary Clinton. What does that mean? I don’t know - what does it mean to you?

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"

I’m working on a video that I’ll post here and on YouTube… hopefully by Friday.
If anyone out there knows the secret to having it get noticed amid all the videos of kids knocking down Christmas trees and dogs barking “Bohemian Rhapsody”, I’m all ears. You can leave a comment here or use the email link.
As always, thanks for listening.

Buy the book: "72 Things Younger Than John McCain"